What do you do when the dreaded writer’s block hits? Panic! No, wait … you must stay calm. If you have to lock yourself in the bathroom and scream for awhile, that is fine, but you eventually have to come out, sit down at your computer, and wait for your fingers to work their magic.
As I am suffering from a bout of this horrid malady on my recent book, I’ve decided to compile a list of plausible cures. No prescription required.
1.) Stare into the eyes of your cat (or dog, or canary, or chinchilla, or neighbor’s hamster), hoping their unique insight about life teleports itself into your brain.
2.) Let your children have your computer for awhile. Maybe, just maybe, out of all the gibberish scrawling across the computer screen, there will be one gem, one word to keep you from falling into the dark abyss.
3.) Watch Diners, Drive-Ins, and Dives. If your saliva starts flowing, it should jumpstart your imagination into flowing as well.
4.) Go to Wal-Mart. People-watching is a beautiful thing. Need I say more?
5.) Leave your computer and a good book such as Pride and Prejudice alone in a candle-lit room for several minutes. They just might produce some attractive offspring you can use to get over the writing hump.
6.) Print out copies of your useless pages and rub your computer’s screen in them, yelling, “Look what you just did, you naughty thing!”
7.) Create a fun drinking game. Every time you press the backspace button you take a shot of your favorite beverage. By the time you are done, you’ll either be as brilliant as Ernest Hemmingway or you’ll be selling your manuscript to three-year-olds who can’t read anyway.
Sadly, I’ve tried almost all of these over-the-counter methods, and here’s to hoping I never resort to #7. But if I do, who’s willing to join me?